More blessings, more changes.

Ok, prepare yourself, this is a long one...

If you had asked me one year ago, what I would be doing today. My answer would have been something completely different than what my life contains at the moment. It is sometimes hard to explain the course our life has taken. From the outside I am sure it seems kind of strange. So I am going to take a moment to let everyone know about some good changes in our lives, but also to try to explain why our life is going this way.

A few weeks ago Earl Mullins, someone Richie and I have know for most of our lives, called us and asked us to come and work for his church Hillview Christian Church. We were not seeking a new church,  this seemed some what out of the blue. Nothing is ever out of the blue with God. Earl knew our situation, and new the changes we had been making in our lives and somehow thought of us for this job. Even though I was the leader of the early childhood at our current church, I had never really thought of seeking an actual "on staff" children's minister position. Immediately when Earl called, even though we didn't really know all the details of the job, both of us felt a nagging to explore it. We came to find out that we fit exactly what they needed. Richie is going to be the Young Adults/Family Minister, and I will be the Children's Minister. We will work together to make Hillview a great place for families and kids.

After meeting with the Elders and staff at Hillview we knew this was something that our whole lives had been preparing us for. When I was a teenager I went on a mission trip with Earl to Russia. He said he still remembers seeing me with the kids, and that he knew I would end up working with kids. Wow, if only I had known!! There have been so many things for us and so many things for the people at Hillview that I think God ordained to put us together. The people there are amazing. They are so welcoming and loving. I can't say enough how much I appreciate and thank them for taking a chance on us. We have always worked at church, and been involved, but never fully committed to ministry. Richie just went back to school to become a minister. We knew our life was heading in that direction, but we never imagined that it would have already happened. I never really saw myself doing it full time either. God had such bigger plans for me than I ever had for myself. I can only think that the people at Hillview saw what God was doing inside our hearts. I can't wait to see what comes out of all this. I think what God is going to do at this church through us will be amazing. Thank God for this wonderful place, and wonderful people. Thank you Hillview people for welcoming us into your family.

Now I must add that it isn't all together easy for us to leave the Crossing either. This is a place of comfort for us. They are like family to us and will be greatly missed. They were there for us in the darkest time in our life and we will never forget that. It isn't always easy to answer God's call. However when one door closes another opens.

In other news, we are moving. We decided with Richie going back to school, that we didn't need the added expense of our house, and driving from Borden to Louisville for both of us everyday.  So we are moving to a house in Louisville. It will actually take us less time to get to church from there too.

Our lives are more rich, more blessed, and more full than they have ever been, minus one little life. Given what we have been through it must be difficult for some of you to understand that. I am not saying that I don't miss Eli everyday, because I do. But understand that it is because of him that all this is possible. I would have never had the courage to do the things I have done without him. Neither Richie or I would have ever quit our stable jobs to go into ministry. I want you all to understand how I feel about Eli. I have always wanted to write a letter to him with all the things that I would like to say to him. So I am going to share that with you now. I must however put a disclaimer on the following. IT IS GOING TO BE SAD. It is a good thing for me to get off my chest, but it may make you cry if you are sensitive to that sort of thing. So if you don't want to, don't read it.

Dear Eli,

My sweet baby boy. Words cannot describe how much mommy misses you. I think about you everyday. It is only recently that I could actually look back with some happiness, and not all sadness. I cannot tell you how much you have changed my life. In just 7 short days you changed not only mommy and daddy's life, but the lives of so many. So many people have been touched by you. And hopefully so many in the future. I hope that many people come to know Jesus because of you. What an amazing little life you had. You baby boy, can change the world.

You taught mommy and daddy how to be brave. You helped us to know the loving peace and grace of God in a way like never before. Your life showed us how Gods plans are so much bigger than what we could have ever dreamed. I learned the lesson that God sees us in light of eternity. God knew you before you were born. He knew every breath you would take.

I can't tell you how much in pains me to have to go on in this life without you. I wish that I could have watched you grow up with your big brother. Everyday I think of how my life would be different if you were still here. It is very hard for a mommy to not be able to raise her child. However I can have comfort to know that God, the Creator of the universe, is taking care of you now. Who better to do so than Him?

Grant misses you so much too. He can't understand God's plan. We can't even understand it as adults. However we can at least see God working in our life through you, and Grant cannot. He asks me all the time when he can come to Heaven and see you. He begs for us to just come and visit. I try to reassure him  that one day we will spend all of eternity together. Just know that he loves you and anxiously awaits the day he gets to see his baby brother again.

Eli I will never forget you. I will always remember your sweet little face and the sweet quiet cry you had. Mostly I can't ever forget because the impact you had on me will show in my life forever. Because of you I have a courage that I would have never had. I am not at all saying that I wouldn't trade it all to have you back, because I would. The selfish part of me would choose to have you back in a minute. But I know that God has much greater plans for you in Heaven. What a gift to not have to go through the trials and pains of this world.

I am sorry that I didn't get to give you all the love I had while you were here. I didn't get to hold you and love on you the way I wanted to. Please know all that love is still, and will forever be in my heart. I cannot wait until the glorious day when I get to meet Jesus and get to see you standing there waiting for me. I hope that I can live up to all that you have given me. Thank you so much for showing me that I could change.

I love you more than words can say.

Mommy

P.S. Say hi to Mammaw and Pa for me. Tell them I miss them.



Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."