May 3rd, 2010

No, I know what year it is, in case you were wondering by the title of this post. (Haha). I named this post that date because that was the day that my life began to change. The day it start to shake up. The day the foundation of the life I knew, the life that was comfortable to me, began to crumble. That was the day my grandpa passed away. Although he had been sick for a long time, losing him was not easy. At that time I had no idea of the trials that were ahead. When I sit and think about that time in my life, I can't really come up with a good word to describe it, surreal perhaps. I was pregnant with Eli when my grandpa passed away, although I didn't know it at the time. Margie, my mother-in-law, (who passed away in September, in case you didn't read earlier blogs) was there at the funeral. It is odd how things have come so full circle. So here I am today on the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death and I am left wondering what the next year has in store for me. I have faith in our Lord that it will be a brighter year than the last. So I am using today as the turning point. I want this to not only be an anniversary of death, but also to mark a new year. The bad year is over, and this is a new one. I know there will still be many hard days to come. Not a minute goes by that I don't miss my son, but on this day I am choosing to start anew. We have to choose to make our lives better sometimes. Though we can't choose what happens to us, we can choose our reactions. We can choose to let our circumstances be a part of our story, but still not define us. The bad things that have happened to me in the last year are not what defines me. The fact that Christ is in me, and has been with me through it all, defines me.

I was able to be a part of something special this morning. Richie shared our story with the jr. high and high school students at Portland Christian School, the high school we went to, and that his sister and dad work at. He gave them a challenge to let God's light show through their actions, in the everyday events, and in the dark times; to be God's witness here on earth. Which is what I was just talking about in the previous paragraph. More from Richie on that later. He will be writing a guest blog soon. I just wanted to share that with you to have the opportunity to tell you how proud I am of him. He is an amazing husband and father. I am so proud, and so blessed to have him as the leader of our family. I love you so much, Richie. Here's a couple pics from today to share with you guys. Richie and Rick, his father, lead worship before Richie spoke, and it was awesome!! They did such a great job. I am so proud of them both.

As sort of a tribute to my grandpa, and so you can get just a glimpse of who he was, I am going to leave you with the words I wrote about him, that I spoke at his funeral. 

"When I sat down to write what I would say about Pa, I thought how could I possibly begin to describe him? How can I put into words what he was,  how much he meant to me, or how much I appreciated him? Then I realized that I just need to say what he did for me and what he meant to me. He was the most kind, gentle, loving and forgiving man I have ever known. He was always willing to help anyone out. Even people who didn’t necessarily deserve it. He would have given a complete stranger the shirt right off his back. He really was the best man I have ever known.  I didn’t really get to say goodbye on the day he died, but last week he called me in his room and told me how much he appreciated me and loved me, and I now know that that was him saying goodbye to me. He knew what was happening. He was still always thinking of everyone else, making sure he prepared us and comforted us all by letting us know that he loved us and that he was ok. He was ready.

When I was 6 years old my parents got divorced. It was a very rough time in my life. But there was always a place I could go that was stable and comforting. That was my grandparent’s house. They were my rock. I knew that I could count on my grandma and grandpa to be there for me no matter what. Pa always did everything he could to make sure that Chase and I had a place that was always happy, safe and not hectic, as the rest of the world seemed to us. Some of the best times we ever had were there. Whether it was him teaching us how to swim, how to ride a bike, or taking countless videos of us just playing; it was always happy. He drove me all the way to Paducah every month to have my braces adjusted. I think both of us looked forward to it because it was a time when we could just be together and talk. He made a life for me and my brother that we would not have had otherwise. He bought us endless toys, clothes and shoes. But aside from the material stuff, he taught us so many things that are priceless.

He taught me how to drive. When I got my permit, everywhere we went he let me drive. He was always so calm and patient telling me the right way to do it. If I made a mistake, he would let me know, but in the most gentle way possible.  There was one time when we were going to Mom and Pops Ice cream that I blew right through a stop sign that I didn’t see.  He looked up calmly and said “There was a stop sign there” and everyone just laughed. From that point on every time we went past that stop sign he would say “there’s Brookcie’s (my nickname he called me) stop sign”. Even up to his last few weeks on a day when he wasn’t doing very good and had hardly said a word, I took him to the doctor and we passed the sign and out of the blue he said it and chuckled. 

It is ironic that a man that was so good at driving ended up such a terrible driver in the end. He could hardly see, and couldn’t use his right arm, but still thought he could do it. I knew there was a problem the day I called Mema and she was riding in the car with him and said, “hang on I have to tell him when it’s ok to pull out”.  You know it’s bad when you get driving directions from a woman who has never driven a car a day in her life.

But he was so set in his ways. Driving was something he never wanted to give up. He didn’t like us all telling him he should, and he wasn’t afraid to let us know it. He was always a quiet man, but if you did something he didn’t like he would let you know. He never got mad at us when we were little, never raised his voice at us. But we knew if he told us to, we had better straighten up really quick. As long as you were on his good side you were ok, but if you crossed him you had better look out. I think every member of his family has either been threatened by, or heard a threat of his infamous pocket knife. I can’t tell you how many times I heard him say, “I could have just taken out my pocket knife, and in one cut…” One time I came home crying over a boy. He looked at me so serious and said “do you want me to cut him with my pocket knife?” It made me laugh, which was what he was hoping for. But he seemed so serious. I don’t know what he would have said if I said yes, but it’s a good thing we didn’t find out because that boy later became my husband.

It wasn’t until recently that he taught me some things about marriage. I knew that he was married 38 years, and thought that a huge part of that success was that he was so laid back and never got upset or mad about hardly anything my grandma did. The most he ever said when he got upset at her was “Phyllis Jean!”  It wasn’t until his last few months and since he has been gone that I really understood what it was. When we were going through old pictures to put on the slide show, it was hard to find pictures of just him. There were several of them together that other people had taken, but almost all of them were of my grandma. In every little thing she did, brushing her hair, laying on the bed, just standing there, candid moments in a crowd of people when she didn’t even know he was taking them or out in the middle of the desert or standing in front of a plant. As I looked through them, and relived their lives together, you could just see through those pictures how much he adored her. They have the most unconditional love I have ever seen in human beings. A few weeks ago Chase and I stayed up with Pa through the night so she could just get some sleep. He was so upset that she wouldn’t be the one taking care of him that he cried.  He only ever wanted her. She made him feel safe and secure even though he knew he was in his final days. I can only look at their marriage and hope I picked up a few things that can make me better at mine.

Throughout his entire life his goal was to help every person that he could. Whether it was joining the army to serve, settling his life down to marry my grandma, giving up his job overseas so that she could be home with her family, sacrificing everything he possibly could so that us kids could have as much as possible or teaching us lessons he knew we needed to learn, he did everything for the benefit of someone else. He always wanted to serve and help every person he possibly could. I am saying all this not to say goodbye, but to remind myself and everyone else to be more like him. We can all learn something from who he was. I hope he knew how much I appreciated all he taught me and all he did for me. I could never have repaid him for it. When he died I think he took a little piece of all of us with him, but most of all he left a piece of him with all of us."

 (The first picture is Grant and my grandpa, and the second is my grandpa and I)

2 Corinthians 5:17 "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" NLT