A Big Announcement!!

So... I am so happy to tell you all today that we are expecting again!! The baby is due June 29th. I have been really anxious to tell everyone the news, but as you can imagine we were also nervous. We told Grant on Christmas (so that's mostly why we haven't really announced yet). To say he was excited is an understatement. He can't wait. We asked him if he had any questions and the first thing he asked was "Is that why your tummy is getting bigger?" Thanks for that Grant, haha. He asked a few other questions, but not the one I expected. The one that lingers in my mind. "Is this baby going to die too?" He fully understands what happened to Eli, or at least as much as a 3 year old can, so I thought for sure the next logical question in his mind would be that. But so far, he hasn't mentioned it one time. Which I have to say was someone reassuring to me. It was a good reminder of the kind of faith in God that children have that adults miss. I have faith that this baby is going to be fine. We were not trying to get pregnant. At first after Eli died we said we would absolutely not put ourselves in that position again. No more kids ever. But as time went on we realized that, mostly for Grant, we would want to have another one if it was in God's plan. We decided to put it in His hands and if it happened then thank God, and it would be awesome. If not we were prepared to deal with that too.

This will not be an easy road, physically or mentally. My pregnancy with Eli was not an easy one. When I had Grant it was so easy, so I was surprised, and miserable for most of my pregnancy with Eli. After realizing that of the short time that I did have with him, the majority was during pregnancy, I decided that I would enjoy this one to the fullest. That's not to say that I haven't had my bad days, been sick, etc, but through it all I have told myself to love this baby and love being pregnant. At first I had a fear of loving this child. However I have decided to let that all go and give this baby all of me just as I have my other 2 boys.

I can't help but be reminded everyday of the pain of losing Eli, but there are more happy days than sad now. I still have days where I cry so hard I can't catch my breath. I still think about him often. Especially with the approaching day that would have been Eli's 1st birthday. And the year anniversary of his death. These are not days that I am looking forward to. So pray for me that I survive January.

With all that said, I couldn't be more excited about this baby. I trust God and his timing. I trust His plan for my life, and I feel more on His path for my life than I ever have. With our new positions at Hillview, and Richie going back to school to serve God as a minister, we finally feel like we are where we are supposed to be. I feel like this baby is a part of the plan. Tragedies in life can make or break you. I think it's all about how you handle them, and how you come out on the other side. I think we have come out much better and much stronger. I thank God for this amazing blessing.

Psalm 139:16 You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

 Excuse the bad picture. We don't have our scanner set up yet so this is a picture of the ultrasound, from my phone.