Living in the future...not the past

A few days ago I posted a status on facebook about a mom I saw with her child that made me mad. In case you didn't see the status I will retell the story a little. I was sitting at a gas station when an old convertible mustang pulled up next to me. The windows were rolled down so I had a pretty good view inside. As soon as the driver (the mom) leaned back I saw a small child, maybe 1 year old riding in the front seat. Not only in the front seat, but just buckled in with a seat belt, no car seat of any kind. I was immediately angered at this mother's carelessness. My first reaction was to want to call the police. I wrote down the license plate number before I pulled away. I debated with myself for a little bit what to do, and after some thought I let it go and didn't call or do anything. I couldn't help but feel this terrible thought creeping up on me. It's awful, I know. I thought secretly to myself, "why did this mother who was so careless with her child's life get to keep her son, while I had to lose mine?" I am not proud of it, but I have always been transparent on this blog, and I believe there is a lesson to be learned from it. I have to admit this is not the first thought of this nature I have had. They were a lot more frequent in the beginning. I have spoken about this attitude a little on the blog before, but I wanted to expand on it a little.

I know, as I said before that these thoughts are lies straight from Satan. Thoughts like this only bring you down. They make you focus on the past, and the negative. I learned that from reading a couple different books. First from Angie Smith's "I Will Carry You" and second from a book I am reading now by John MacArthur called "Safe in tbe Arms of God". Both of these books have brought me great insights, and things that I might not have learned on my own for months or even years.

Too often when something bad happens in our lives we tend to say "why me God"? When something bad is happening to us, God usually plays 2 roles in our prayers. First we plead with God for what we want. Then when we don't get what we want we tend to say "why God, why did you let this happen". It is so hard to just thank God and submit yourself to His will. We need to be able to let go of ourselves and turn it over to Him. In order to do that I think we have to understand the reasons why tragedies, or bad things happen in our lives. This list came from the book "Safe in the Arms of God". I recommend this book to anyone who has lost a child in anyway, or anyone who has lost anyone they love really. It gives great scriptural answers to all the questions we have when we lose someone. So the list is from the book, but I am going to give you the explanation on a few of them in terms of how they applied to me in losing Eli. There were eight total listed in the book. If you have ever wondered why God lets bad things happen, I recommend getting the book and reading the others.

To test the strength of our faith. The book basically says that when tragedy strikes we either turn to God and rely on Him or turn away and loathe in bitterness and feeling sorry for ourselves. Let me tell you how true this was for me. I had to consciously make the decision to rely on God and just trust in Him. It wasn't easy. However nothing strengthens your faith like sorrowful experiences.

To wean us from our dependence on worldly things. This has been a tough lesson for Richie and I. What the book says is that difficult times set our hearts and our attention to the things that are eternal and truly matter. The things of this world can disappear so quickly. Nothing will make you want to live for God more than losing your own child. You learn that living for God is the only thing that really matters. You begin to recognize that only spiritual values are lasting. Oh how we wish we could have learned this lesson another way. It's hard not to wonder if things could have been different if we had been truly living for God before this happened.

To call us to heavenly hope. The harder a trial is, the more we look forward to being with the Lord. I always have wanted to go to heaven. But now, with the hope of being reunited with my son there, I have a new eagerness to be with God there. I can more easily endure the hardships of this life knowing that one day it will all fade away, and I will be with Eli again. Where there are no more goodbyes.

To teach us to value God's blessings. It is easy to say that you are blessed; but how much value do you really put in those things. I have always been thankful for Grant, however I can't explain the new appreciation I have for him after losing Eli. I could never thank God enough for giving him to me. It is through trials that we learn to value the spiritual things of God. His Word, His care, His love, and most of all His salvation. I have never felt God's presence in my life more than when Eli died. If there was ever a doubt in my mind about God's presence in my life, they were all erased. He gave me a peace I cannot describe. Richie and I both felt God holding us in a way we never had before. I felt like I heard God tell me that Eli's life would mean something. I am so thankful for that.

There are many things that come out of tragedy. Some we may never know this side of heaven. We may never know all the lives that were touched by it. Don't get me wrong, given the choice I would trade all the knowledge I now have, to have my son back. Or at least I wish I could have learned it another way. I am so thankful that God has let me see some of the good that can come from all this. I asked Him to show me it and He has. So many people have been reached. My goal in life now is to reach more. I have learned the lesson that saying "why did this happen to me God" will get me no where. My focus now has to be on the future. I have to live with a heavenly hope. Most of all I have realized that I need to dedicate my life to Grant and his salvation. Eli is with God already, and will be forever, I now have to focus on Grant's salvation. By the way, all this has had a huge affect on Grant. I plan to blog about that later. So stay tuned!! Also there are some exciting changes happening in the lives of the Foldens. I can't mention them now, but I can't wait to tell you all the good things God is doing in our lives.


Oh, and about the woman in the car, I did commit myself to praying for her. :)


As always, thanks for reading. Love you all!!

Brooke






"Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" James 4:14