Time...

7 days 13 hours and 12 minutes. That doesn't sound like a lot of time right? In that amount of time I experienced the best and worst days of my life. I had more ups and downs than I have probably had in my entire life. 7 days 13 hours and 12 minutes is the amount of time Eli spent here on this earth. It's so amazing to me that seemingly such a small amount of time could have such a great impact on so many lives. In fact that little life has completely altered the course of Richie and I's future (more on that in a minute). We are coming up on 5 months since Eli has been gone and it still seems like yesterday. People say that time heals. I can tell you with full certainty time does not heal. Time, in the way we view it, is just a constant reminder that the person you love is not here. Every month, year, anniversary, birthday and holiday is like a constant time line counting on and on adding time that you have been without them. I am constantly asking myself, how would this day, this moment be different if Eli was here. Time does not heal, God heals.

His headstone came in this weekend and seeing his name and the dates he was here written in bronze has had a profound effect on me. I realized that I have been so focused on the short amount of time that I got to spend with him. Of course I felt like I had him for much more than just that time. I knew him before he was born. I knew the way he kicked and flipped (especially when I was sleeping). When I was reading the book I spoke about last post, Safe in the Arms of God, I also read a section that really hit home with this issue of time I had been dealing with. I love the passage the author talks about but I had never really looked at it the way he mentions here.

"God knows everything about you before your conception. The first statement David makes in Psalm 139 is that the Lord knows everything about him. He opens his psalm with these words:

Oh Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. (vv. 1-4)

David notes that the Lord knows every detail of every moment of his life, even when he stands up and sits down. God knows his thoughts, his comings and goings, his habits and inclinations, and his personality traits. The phrase "not a word on my tongue" means "even before I spoke or was capable of speaking". David says that the Lord knew what he would say even before he opened his mouth to speak, even before he could form words in his mouth.

The same is true for you and me. God is intimately acquainted with every detail of your life, from conception to the moment you enter eternity. .. The same is true, of course, for your baby. God knows all that is in the heart and mind of your child-even before your child has a fully developed body and brain in which to embody and voice thoughts and feelings"

 Wow. I hope that speaks as much to you as it did to me. To me Eli was only here 7 days 13 hours and 12 minutes, but to God he was an entire person the same as you and me. He knows Eli, and every lost child, even those who were miscarried, as intimately as he knows any of us. He knows what he is like and who he is. God doesn't view us in the same small earthly time that we do. God sees us in the full view of eternity. God sees the whole person we are, even before we are born. That is so amazing to me. It speaks volumes. Knowing that changes my view of this headstone, and it changes my view of this life in general.

Richie and I both have become very focused on the eternal. We now realize what a short amount of time this life is. We are patiently waiting for the day God calls us home to be with Him, and the ones we love that went on before us. We have realized that we want to make our lives centered around serving God in all that we do. We want to do things that matter in the view of eternity. So there are some big changes coming in our lives. BIG. Like I said, we are changing the course of our future. We have stepped out in faith, and God has answered with reassurance that we are doing the right thing. I can't wait to give you all the details, but for now you will have to stay tuned.

(Sorry, I know it's going the wrong way and you will have to turn your computer to look at it, but I couldn't get it to turn and I was too tired to work on it any more)

Thanks for reading.
Brooke